lord-kitschener:

“what if the aborted baby could have cured cancer???”

oh my god what if the last egg I bled onto a kotex product could have cured cancer??

oh my god how am I not birthing every possible egg I produce, lest one of those resulting babies be the person who cures cancer/AIDS/creates world peace????

what if that baby could have been a musical artist described by pitchfork as “liberace with a metalcore twist”????

how dare i not be pregnant/birthing all the time always?????

(via parkingstrange)


dorkly:

phrux:

yes

Anon Discovers The Horrible Secret To Wealthier Sims

I would judge, but that would suggest that there’s a way to play “The Sims” that isn’t sociopathic.

(via collegehumor)


caswithbees:

tumblr user ben-c is a huge nerd pass it on

(via ben-c)



fat-amy:

me: mom, when’s the dinner ready?

mom: why, are you hungry?

HAHA NO MOM I NEED THAT FOR MY COLLEGE APPLICATION 

(via obamafart)


sofiaauditores:

*inhales* what a beautiful day *exhales* to play video games for 15 hours straight

(via userbar)


killervanilla:

drwilfredcokepepper:

ghost-anus:

the best pranks are the super harmless ones

like why would you pull someones pants down in public or like put them in danger or humiliate them when you can just baffle them by leaving tiny plastic camels all over their house or taping bill cosby’s face over every single face in  every picture in their house?

Last year the seniors had a mariachi band follow the principle for 3 hours

Confuse, don’t abuse ;)

(via youarenotpossessedcastiel)


panicrobot:

This man was our president for EIGHT YEARS. We are never gonna live this down

(via parkingstrange)


daftlypunk:

i hit my coworkers shoulder lightly and he was like “you’re going to make me cry like a girl” and i was like “what’s wrong with being a girl?” and he was quiet for a moment then he looked into the distance and whispered “the social standards they’re forced to live by”

(via parkingstrange)


pkmntrainermadoka:

when ur friend starts liking something u rly like

image

(via trust)



sherlock-needs-his-john:

Our parents warned us about middle aged men stalking us on the Internet but oh how the tables have turned

(via youarenotpossessedcastiel)


timid:

do you ever get that horrible feeling in your stomach because you can’t imagine anyone ever falling in love with you and wanting to spend the rest of their life with you

(via obamafart)


Me: Who's a good boy?
Dog: ???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
Me: YOU'RE A GOOD BOY!
Dog: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!